Is your man emotionally unavailable?

You're probably familiar with the term "emotional unavailability", maybe you don't know the exact definition, but you've used the term to describe an ex-boyfriend or a guy you've been seeing. But that term is probably used more than it should be.

"Emotional unavailability" is a catch-all phrase that describes a state in which you are out of touch with your own emotions and/or unwilling to show them to someone else. It's as if there is a wall between you and other people that prevents the sharing of emotional information and experience.

Due to overuse, the term has also made it easy to label someone as emotionally unavailable without really understanding what that means. As with most things that people experience, emotional availability or unavailability is not that simple.

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

In order to better understand what it means to be emotionally unavailable, you first need to understand what it means to be emotionally available, according to dr Fehr. Emotionally available people can usually do the following:

• To experience one's own feelings to the fullest extent
• To share these feelings with another person and allow them to witness their inner experience so that they can deeply connect with them
• To open your heart, even when there is a possibility of disappointment
• Allow yourself to fall in love despite experiences that may have hurt them
• Express your true needs, not only to your partner but also to all close people
• Receive the love and support of loved ones, from partners to friends and family
• Allowing yourself to fully dream and then sharing those desires with others

Of course, being emotionally available doesn't require you to check off everything on this list, but it does give you an idea of ​​what it might look like and what's required of someone.

What causes someone to become emotionally unavailable?

If we are all born emotionally available, then what happens to someone to become emotionally unavailable? It's something that develops through negative life experiences, often at an early age, Fehr explains. When you're denied something you need, repeatedly, especially in your formative years, it's only natural that you shut down emotionally in an effort to protect yourself. Then you might see vulnerability as dangerous or disappointing.

Although the details of how someone becomes emotionally unavailable will vary, there are still some commonalities: emotions were not shown within the family, and fears, dreams, and experiences were not talked about. If a child does not receive confirmation from a parent or an adult whom he believes that emotions of all kinds are normal, he will hide them.

How can you tell if your partner is emotionally unavailable?

While some people try to figure out if they themselves are emotionally unavailable, others try to detect this problem in their partner. These actions may be warning signs for you:

• He avoids conflicts, saying "I'm fine" instead of clarifying what's bothering him.
• He rejects compliments and signs of love from you.
• He shakes off when there seems to be no reason to because he can't express his fear of being hurt.
• He avoids talking about emotions, his and yours.
• He gives too much and does not allow others to support him.

Should you be with someone who is emotionally unavailable?

Ask yourself this: Would you like someone to give you the opportunity to be the emotionally unavailable partner in this scenario? In essence, a person who is emotionally unavailable is still deeply afraid of their emotions... this also means that in the past it was not safe for them to open up emotionally. As a result, emotionally unavailable people have difficulty creating deep emotional relationships, but they can absolutely change that, if and only if they have the desire to do so - says Fehr.

If that desire is present, she points out, the first step in building an emotional connection is for you to make the first move and to be completely open with them. Don't hold back on the emotions you feel. Think of it as showing them the way, opening doors, and creating a safe space for them to share their own experiences. However, it is important to understand that opening up emotionally with an emotionally unavailable partner is not a one-time thing, it is an ongoing process.

You also need to know one important thing: Some emotionally unavailable people may simply be unwilling to work to become more open. Knowing this, if you do decide to get into a relationship with them, don't expect any changes. They are not a project for you and you should be aware of that. People who don't want to change won't change, and pressuring them to do so will only backfire on you.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Post by: Rinna James